I felt like I've been struck by the strongest lightning on earth.

I has been painful to be critisised by someone that would be your kin. The kind of sacarsm that really pains a girl's heart, terribly. I don't mind to be scolded or critisised by other people or of other matters. BUT NOT THIS!!

The words are so strong: "xxxxx....xxxxcontrolled by her xxx....xxxxxxxxx" I know that soon I'm going to be a mother, BUT I still got to say! "FxxK lar!" I couldn't control my anger this time round! Who the hell in this world can be able to put down with this kind of critisism?

In this 18 years of shines, I've never been said to be like this before. Even people that hate me don't say this to me! But this person who really made me felt defeated, said that! Somemore its not in my face, directly, but in front of someone that I look up onto, someone's related to me! Since yesterday, I've been defeated and this time, without anyone to lean onto anymore, except my mother! But she can't do much either! I hate them, seriously! I swear that in future if I'm in real good relationship with them again, I'll be killed by lightning! Thousand times stronger than this!

I'm really tired of everything. Whatever I does don't look nice to other people. Why am I still sacrificing that much? I should just stop it, I should just take back all the sacrifice I've made before and leave! I really am hesistating yesterday. I think I should not let them take me FOR GRA NTED anymore. There's so many people that love me, why should I care about them? Why should I help them. I can still live my life well without them what? And somehow, it would be BETTER!

I cried and cried and cried... ... Tears just flowed through endlessly, but it never help much. My headache is paining! My vomitting pains are back! I've vomitted more than 4 times since morning! I don't know! I really don't know what to do. And yet, the person I longed for wasn't there for me. Actually I'm glad that that person wasn't here. It would add on pains and agonies only. The headache is really terrible. I can't work at all. I felt that I'm mentally dead! I can't think. I can't concentrate. I laid in bed at 9pm last night and only fell asleep at 1am. I woke up suddenly at 5am this morning after a bad dream and couldn't sleep till 6plus. I woke up at 8.20am again, startled and I knew I'm late for work. I don't care anymore! CAB means CAB! I shall not think about future issues anymore! And here I am, staring blankly at the computer screen, not able to think anymore!I hate this!


I'm really tired. GOD, can You make me disappear from this earth of pains? I rather don't want the happiness I am having now. I rather give them up and leave! Nothing in life has been smoothing for me, even though I thought a part of it was.

Exhausted & Moody.

Signed off by Selene - saddist this time round... ...

♥ SELENE TEO ♥