I find the world ridiculous in its own way!

I can't say that I am inactive or lazy, nor can I say that they are simply too selfish! The world just collapsed on me since I knew that I wasn't told that Tutorial class was on, Discussion was already done by the 2 of them, without including my name nor my participant. They just can't be bothered to include me! Sometimes I find and I reflect on myself, am I that isolated from them? I'm already trying to engage as much as you all does, but life doesn't work this way for me. I dare not say, work has brought me down into my DOWN-LIFE again like what I've experienced 2 or 3 years before. But, it seems like a fact to me now!

I was so demoralized now that I know that discussion with them doesn't includes me at all. I have a strong sensing that they think I just can't be bothered. But I don't! Who the hell would spend her own money (after working and working) just to make herself miserable by wasting the money? Definitely its not me ok? I felt like I'm crashed on the ground just like that for nothing. I felt sick, having no friends in the right mind to at least remind me of the work, or even blame me for not participating. Den, I'll realise that I didn't work hard enough, BUD, it doesn't work this way, they just ignored my absence and do it themselves! I feel sick, having to go through all these for nothing! I felt like I'm lost and lost forever...

Life's tough in this selfish world out there. I really miss Secondary school's life and the KINDNESS they gave me... NOT like here! I felt so much like giving up! Maybe this competitive world isn't suitable for me! Should I seek the better way out? I really ponders and ponders... Maybe I should work @ Mac and I can even see a better prospect over there! I miss everything that I owned previously but has never cherished it!

I hate life now!
Selene

Hi!

Had a 'great' & great day yesterday, 20thMay2008Tuesday!

'Great' because I encountered something in life that I have never encountered before throughout these 18Years of shines!

I was penniless for once, I need to go for tuition at Woodlands and the bus doesn't let me in. I'm at Bukit Panjang at 7pm when tuition is supposed to start at 7pm! I was barred from taking bus and there's no use walking to Woodlands anyway (I doesn't know the way and the fact that I'll only reach there only the next morning was clear).
I tried to borrow money from my brother and he DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO TRANSFER $$! OMGoodness, that was horrible! I called Dar at once and his reply stuck me down instantly: He's working and couldn't walk away at all when he's just less than 50steps away from the ATM Machine! My Goodness! He rather see me go hungry on the streets, have nobody to turn to, no means of going anywhere, than sacrifice his work just for less than 10minutes to help me!
I felt DAMN HELPLESS & TERRIBLE at that moment that death came into my mind!
(BUD Thank Goodness I didn't follow my mind)

Now that I realise the feel of being helpless, (I mean REAL HELPLESS!) I knew that I have to start cherishing life as it is now before I regretted it! I actually spur me on to working harder in studies rather than slacking; to build a better world in front of me, for the sake of my parents and I & definitely for the next generation!

Life is definitely tough without MONEY & FRIENDS & FAMILY that can help you when critical periods!

It doesn't really matters now that how I spent that few hours on the street yesterday BECOS it was really terrible! BUT, I supposed GOD doesn't want to end my life that early and has given me another chance, someone to be with me! HE, the mighty has sent his will and made someone to appear and extend his hands to help! I received help happily and it ended the misery and I went home, exhaused and drained of energy!

The day ended and this entry shall end now and I SHALL go for my DINNER! With Ah-Von!

--
Hugs,
Selene

I'm back!

I'm supposed to rush my tutorials for tomorrow, but, it all turned out to be put aside AGAIN!

I was browsing through websites that I usually goes; emails, blogs, NPAL, MEL, and all when I viewed many websites and memories about today flashed back. And at this instance, I just had the feel to write about the happenings today!

I left home with Dar this morning at about 11am and headed to Woodlands as he starts work at 12noon, but, me at 2pm. So, I was early at Causeway, sitting in the crew room, doing up my project presentation (which I tried but sort of failed). I started wondering around until SHE came into the room and asked "Lan Yun, I heard from XXX that Manager XXX says that you complained to her that I forced you to do lobby selling?" My heart sank together with the swinging force of my mood! I yelled out (as in not LITERALLY but in me) and I felt so DAMN LOST!

How can they do that to me?

The truth is, I didn't complain, nor do I have any intention to COMPLAIN! I HATE THEM, but I told myself I have to check to the bottoms of this and made the truth be known. I felt so lost and betrayed when this happened. I never ever complain about you guys for forcing me to do lobby selling and I never ever give a big damn about that (except for that incident which is not really totally related). I knew that I'm always the one to do lobby selling and I don't deny that I felt rather unfair. But this never ever was kept to be an anger to verge on and something to complain to. I never ever thought of kicking up the fuss at all! It's not as if people died!!! OMGoodness, I felt so DEMORALIZING and BETRAYED! --> Does making these statements allows you to be happier and free-IER? I doubt so!!

SO, it goes and goes and I hated THEM!

Yesterday was a disaster as Dar and I quarreled almost every single event that occurs. We went to Michelle's chalet @ Changi but before that, he made me wait for him, I kicked up a fuss, we quarreled over this and that (all trivial matters) and now, I finally believe that the both of us are SHORT-TEMPERED!! HAHA!!

The chalet was rather a fun one as we played with NOTHING ELSE BUT VODKA!! This time was a real and tough one as everybody played HEAVILY! WOW! BUT COOL! I love that KINDA ATMOSPHERE!!

Left the chalet like at 2am plus with the ride give by Kok Ching in his van and went to eat McDonalds... All men's talks AGAIN! I was exhausted when I got home, and so did Dar... ... And we went to bed immediately, falling deep asleep!

"Wanna tell Dar: I don't mean to kick up FUSSES easily but you know me, I'm like that! And you should've known better?-> I love UUU"

"Wanna tell Von & Deniece: Miss u guys siax! Wanna meet up but I doubt all of us were like too busy right? Nevermind, we'll see and meet up and play crazily like before OKAY? --> Or am I e only one that play CRAZILY?... HAHA"

"Wanna tell Serene Mummy: Aiyo, you also very short tempered leh. Everytime work with you, you'll always scold people de! Don't always be unhappy OK? I don't like to work with Sad Mummy! SMILESSS & CHEERSSS!! I love working with you, so SYSTEMATIC!!! U ROCKS!!"

--
Hugs,
Selene

Hey, I bored!

I'm damn tired by everything else and YUPPIE! I feel like dying!

BUD, I knew I have to persevere and I knew that I could go to Dear if one day I couldn't stand it anymore.

Things in school wasn't getting any better... I felt drained at the amount of work I'm loaded with and the thing is, I doesn't have anything done up nicely YET! Friends' relationships were strained to the maximum that I couldn't stand it anymore already! Hence, the weakness which is my complain virus started today. I knew I have to stop it ASAP for nobody loves a friend that complains and YUP! as what Von says, I have to bear with it and just go by it! I hate school! I think work is better --> that leads me to the second thought of staying through in accountancy! TROUBLED MANSSSS!!!!

YTD was CATS project meeting & I realised that CATS group was better than ITB group... Although it all started with EMO-ness and AKWARD-ness!!

I dreaded the coming of lessons every monday and I love the coming of weekends!! I adore them! As I'll be working again! ROCKS MANSSS --> I feel warmth there!!

GTG people!

Muacks and Love,
Selene

Hi all, Selene's back!!!

Hurray! I had a great time idling around these few days. School was slacked as compared to the same day last year! Although I was driven to tiredness due to the many jobs and events I took up, But I felt great having no such need to study LIKE HELL!!

However, the honeymoon period would be over soon and in less than 3 weeks' time, COMMON TEST would be arriving. Hence, I've quited the job @ telenarketing to keep myself free during weekdays in order to concentrate solely on my studies and ccas. However, tuition every saturday and sunday would still be on, but that would be worry-free.. =)

Talking about work again, I felt so demoralising having to work @ McCafe. I doesn't like the ways certain people work but I knew that's part of life and personality crushes are always around. However, I would really want to highlight some really horrible ones that I don't think I can stand it anymore! ---> I really hate those that think that working in McCafe is never important and were always playing OUT of the RULES!! They not only 'skive' (spelling should be right), they think that that's their own restaurants by drinking all the drinks left overs! At first I thought it was alright but the thing is, they drank in front of customers where customers are waiting for their orders! HELLO, that's absolutely INCORRECT right... CUStomers ARE VALUE CONSUMERS... IF U WANNA DRINK, THEN YOU JUST SHELVE IT ASIDE AND SERVE THE CUSTOMERS FIRST.... ONCE CROWD IS CLEARED, YOU CAN BRING YOUR DRINKS INTO THE KITCHEN TO DRINK!... Also, some people are just to TAKING FOR GRANTED... WASTE PRODUCTS are alright if you just drink it once in a while (cos technically speaking, it is WASTE) BUT those people just couldn't keep their minds right! They doesn't know that UNWASTE PRODUCT SHOULD NOT BE TREATED AS WASTE PRODUCTS! DESPITE SO MUCH WARNINGS!!! ---> IF all are like those people idling around, McCafe will burst!!! Hence, I get so fed up at times.... ALso, people treat LOBBY SELLING as QUEUE SELLING...!!! The main motive for LOBBY SELLING is to PROMOTE DRINKS TO THOSE THAT are sitting in the lobby, never order McCafe... IT's so damn pointless if you sell those drinks to people queuing up, with the 'already' intention to buy the drinks!! Those people that do that are either people that wanna gain glory, or just people that wanna GAIN the INCENTIVE!! ---> SO UNFAIR to those that really put an effort into doing lobby selling!! (HATES SIAX...)
BUD good things is that MUMMY noes tt and she will PUNISH THEM ONE DAY!!! HAHAHAA...

Ok, away from unhappy parts, Dar & I are 3Years old liaox!!! HURRAY!! He bought an Addidas watch that costs $98 (which I managed to find out the price AGAIN!!) and I bought him nothing... Our 3rd Yr Anni was a sad day as both of us were busy (or rather I am busy)... He got to celebrate his Bro's birthday on that day and I have tuition in the evening after school that day! SO, practically, celebration starts @ 9pm and it ends soon after a dinner @ a nearby coffeeshop near my tuition place! So demoralising but I believe its alright as long as we cherish those times spent together...I love him so much for his 'soft heart' as I always over-said him... HAHAHAA... He made me feel loved despite the many problems MONEY, SCHOOL, and my FAMILY gave me... Although sometimes, he contributes to some problems too but I reallt really think that Trust is so much important between the two of us... Time is like a great challenge to us, as these 3Years wasn't easy! (Part of the reason being we were 8Years apart and our thinkings were exactly different.) BUT one thing that kept as together till now should be the trusts we had in each other and the cherish we gave to one another!! He cherishes me for giving him a chance and giving him all the warmth he had never felt (I wonder if he felt this way), but anyway, It was cherishable for me as he made me really happy through my sad times and he is like the only one tt can stop me if I do anything shitty! Like spending too much $$ and such... HEEEE...

I love Dar Dar.........

Also to my sec sch frens, sorry that I couldn't join u guys on sat =)... I got to go for CCA.... Actually sunday I can but depends on u guys ok... Mayb join u guys again! Miss u all lots... U guys made my day! --> XMuacksX

Hugs,
Selene

♥ SELENE TEO ♥